Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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