She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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