If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
