If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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