just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
