I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
