i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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