Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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