imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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