so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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