I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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