I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
