Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
