69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I party with great urgency now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
