Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
