Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
