Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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