great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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