The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
