Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
