Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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