no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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