i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
In America we eat man semen.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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