a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
