I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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