i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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