Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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