last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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