That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
