I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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