dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
