god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
