aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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