i barfeds in our rink
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
