i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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