If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
