Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
