I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
