how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How does one acquire holy water?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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