I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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