Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
