Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
