I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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