Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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