You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
