11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
