If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
false alarm. still invincible.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
