No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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