A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
