He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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