I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
