Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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