Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
