Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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