Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
