see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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