Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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