We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this just has baby written all over it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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