I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
