i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
