i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
