did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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